Or, “comes with a really big box free with your RedCard”

Q. What do you get if you order a furnace filter from Target?

A. A furnace filter and one really honking big box!!

To be fair I’m at a loss to say how else they could protect it from crushing and folding in shipping.

The Maddening Tale of Mr. Ramko.

Note: This is not about anyone named Mr. Ramko. It is about a real person though, whose identity I have replaced with the name of a manufacturer of really shitty audio gear.

This is a kind of long mess so I’ll use the “don’t make the main page ten miles long” tag as I did for The Scrolling Tray Of Horrors

Continue reading »

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FCA ??!!

THIS BLOG POST MAY CONTAIN LARGE AMOUNTS OF AAAAAAAAAAA. You’ve been warned.

A day in the life at FCA – Fiat Chrysler America:

(BONG NOISES) “Hey, I’ve got a great idea, heh, what if we stack all this electrical junction box shit on top of the battery.”

“Oh, like the main high amperage starter and battery system fuses?”

“Nah man. Like, all of it.” (BONG NOISES)

“Duuude. Gimme a good hit of that and we’ll go design it right now. Hey, my Autocad is really colorful today.” (BONG NOISES)

Several months later, in a remote parking lot:
“Oh okay let me just see if this low battery just needs a jump and charge or replaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT EVEN IS ALL OF THAT OH NO NO NOOOOOOOPE NOPE NOPE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

After seeing all of this I’m actually almost willing to call the GM vehicles that buried the battery under the entire air intake box an ACCEPTABLE design.

wat

 

On the left (negative post) – the terminal is a soft alloy one. However, then, some kind of cupric-ish looking* mystery metal piece is permanently swaged into it. This is the baseplate to what’s probably a Hall effect battery current sensor. Congratulations, you successfully ripped off Honda’s battery charging system, and did it WRROOOOONNNGGGG. Bolted to that (why not put the bolted connector on the other side of the sensor so the terminal may be replaced??!!) is the post for the battery cable’s exceedingly strange quick disconnect.

well at least it makes a good half assed james bond title card

This terminal fits over the post DISTURBINGLY loosely. Once you press the release tab at the top, it pulls off effortlessly. I didn’t actually have to press the release tab before I lifted it off for the first time. HMMMMMMM….

 

The post has a groove in it that something inside the terminal locks into. Barely. It attaches with an unimpressive, almost imperceptible snap.

The positive post. This goes to a very large plate that I’m guessing is tinned cuprimysteryassalloywhatever*. It looks like in this case, the plate can be unbolted from the terminal, but the terminal is totally custom and has those two bolts swaged into it.

Note the shape of the terminal. This terminal has been tightened by the factory to the point that the gap is entirely closed; the terminal is now stretched out of shape permanently and it is unlikely to be able to be transferred to a new battery.

Same deal over here on the negative post, though that has maybe a millimeter of life left in it. Maybe. Note that this trashed terminal is permanently attached to that current sensor, so both have to be replaced along with the battery. WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THIS??!!

(BONG NOISES) “wooooow, that’s like, killer, now they have to buy like, a metric assload of proprietary parts to do a simple battery change.”

“duuuude, wait, it gets better, look at this amazing coolant hose system they’ll have to come back to us for! I based it off this tangled bunch of stems.”

…….i don’t want to look at this or any other FCA product ever again, BYE FELICIA!!!

 

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Recreational marijuana dispensaries will be legal under California state law come January 1. Recreational use has already been legalized at the state level. Check local laws for any restrictions, however – some municipalities have weird ones. Chico seems to want nothing to do with it (….and the potential tax revenue that would come from it but ok??!!)

HOWEVER.

Like any other substance that has the potential to slow down response of the central nervous system, use marijuana responsibly. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery while under the influence. The designated driver system should be used if you’ve gotta get somewhere by automobile to a social gathering where you plan to use marijuana. Do not drive…. or design…. automobiles while under the influence. That means you, FCA Corporation. Thank you very much and happy new year!

* I pulled these made up words riiiiiight out of my ass to say, it’s either copper, brass, or bronze, some copper containing something or other.

 

You bellends!!!

See these magical runes???

Their secret is not hard to figure out!!! Once you discover it, it will effortlessly summon a park ranger stationed about five minutes down the road to open the gate!!

Do not start forcing the gate or tampering with the locks! There’s literally no reason to do this and it will trap a poor innocent broadcast engineer up the road and cause him to yell CUNTYBOLLOCKS!!!!! in your general direction. You wankstain. I saw who it was too and they had the biggest Jefferson State seal I’ve ever seen on their truck. I’m unimpressed.

When headhunters get… fascinating

See also: When Headhunters Strike and When Headhunters Strike, Part 2 for prior hilarity.

picture unrelated. z-bola detection routine in progress. please cross fingers.

I guess I’m still on some curious lists from my job searches back in South Florida, because I was just delivered this beautiful gem along with a voicemail message from someone with SEVERE background noise (sounded like a cross between a call center and a school cafeteria!) and a very heavy Indian accent. I could make out about three words of it. Sadly this will probably be the start of a gradually increasing stream of electronic harassment from them until they exhaust lines of communication I haven’t blocked yet. 😀

For now… enjoy this PERFECTLY written English copy. Worked on anything on the ground that is emitting radio frequency? Bahahahaha.

I’m not including the sender’s contact info because my experience has been that these are nothing but fake offers intended to get people to submit resumes that can be mined, sold, and traded between recruiters like some kind of horrible benefit-free commodity. There are VERY FEW actual tech jobs in South Florida and recruitment is pretty much exclusively handled through H-1B visa program openings, personal friendships and professional connections*. Usually, though, the recruiters throwing fake jobs around at least have someone fluent in English write them up. This is just lazy:

Hi,

 

My name is Ankit and I am from Mindlance (Largest Staffing Firm in USA). I got your resume from a Job Board and it looks a perfect fit for one our client’s requirement based in Ft. Myers, FL. Please find the job description below and let me know your interest.

 

Role: Radio Communications Technician II

Location: Ft. Myers, FL

 

Business Overview:

 

RADIO COMMUNICATIONS TECHNICIAN II
Spot light call notes
Need to know how to propagate the antenna;
T1;T3 Microwave BG; Telephony
Networking exp is only needed to connected radios
Competitive company to look for candidate: Harris/ Nextel exp in the field
Good qualified Questions: Do you have a FCC/ GROL License
Biggest challenges: is knowledge/Exp of LMR – Land mobile radio; Know what is Radio Frequency
Exp with LMR Land mobile radio; worked on anything on the ground that is emitting radio frequency
Need to be here every day 8-5 will travel 60 miles in FT Myers
Ex Military; Key words
Communications, Signal, Two way

GENERAL DESCRIPTION

Performs complex radio communications technical work. Work involves installing, maintaining, programming, and repairing base station and control antenna systems and communications, microwave, control, audio, and associated equipment. Works under general supervision, with moderate latitude for the use of initiative and independent judgment.
EXAMPLES OF WORK PERFORMED
Installs two-way radio mobile transceivers, electronic sirens, emergency lighting systems, mobile video systems, computer equipment, and associated electronic equipment.
Installs, maintains, and repairs two-way base communications, microwave, audio, control, antenna, transmission line, and associated electronic equipment.
Installs microwave and control consoles at base station and repeater sites.
Tests operational capabilities of mobile installations.
Provides ground assistance for base station, radio tower, microwave antenna, and transmission line installations.
Programs mobile, portable, and fixed radio equipment.
Maintains and repairs radio communications towers, guy-wires, lighting, and associated electronic control equipment.
Maintains, troubleshoots, repairs, and aligns communications, microwave, control, audio, speed measuring, test, and associated electronic equipment.
Maintains, repairs, and adjusts equipment in vehicles and stations to precision tolerances specified by the Federal Communications Commission.
Assists in procuring repair parts and equipment.
May construct special electronic and test equipment.
May train others.
Performs related work as assigned.

GENERAL QUALIFICATION GUIDELINES
Experience and Education
Experience in radio installation, maintenance, and repair work. Graduation from a standard senior high school or equivalent, supplemented by courses in communications and electronics, is generally preferred. Experience and education may be substituted for one another.
Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities
Knowledge of electricity, electronics, and automotive electrical systems; of the installation and repair of mobile and fixed radio equipment; of base station antenna, microwave antenna, transmission lines, and associated equipment; of antenna orientation and radiating patterns; and of Federal Communications Commission rules and regulations.
Skill in the use of maintenance, testing, and repair tools and equipment.
Ability to install and maintain radio and associated electronic equipment; to detect and eliminate trouble in radio transmitters, receivers, and other electronic devices; to interpret schematic diagrams and technical reference materials; to communicate effectively; and to train others.
Registration, Certification, or License
May require a Federal Communications Commission General Radiotelephone Operator License (PG)

 

Thanks,

 

Ankit Singla |Team Recruitment|

* and you wonder why the brain drain sucks so hard

Modifying the lexicon

I hereby propose that a collection of hair elastics be known as a disappearance.

Disappearance (n). A collection of hair elastics, known for their collective habit of disappearing. “Hey! I just had a whole disappearance of hair elastics and now I can’t find any!”

this is why we cannot have nice things

If your store’s posted hours are until 9 pm, it is not advisable to close all registers at 8:30 then cut off the lights and lock the front doors which require a key to open from inside and have nobody standing at them to let customers out.

Have fun tracking down whoever has the key to turn off the alarmed emergency exit I set blaring on the way out.

Douchehydrants.

Here, enjoy some TCFW.

A delicious idea

An idea:
Restaurants offering delivery should add the option to also deliver treats for your pets so you don’t wind up with a begging face glaring at you and your yum disc.

 

The only thing I ask of anyone who implements this idea is that they post pictures of happy cats, dogs, and any other creatures they bring happiness with it. Look at that cute lil pupper!

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