You bellends!!!

See these magical runes???

Their secret is not hard to figure out!!! Once you discover it, it will effortlessly summon a park ranger stationed about five minutes down the road to open the gate!!

Do not start forcing the gate or tampering with the locks! There’s literally no reason to do this and it will trap a poor innocent broadcast engineer up the road and cause him to yell CUNTYBOLLOCKS!!!!! in your general direction. You wankstain. I saw who it was too and they had the biggest Jefferson State seal I’ve ever seen on their truck. I’m unimpressed.

When headhunters get… fascinating

See also: When Headhunters Strike and When Headhunters Strike, Part 2 for prior hilarity.

picture unrelated. z-bola detection routine in progress. please cross fingers.

I guess I’m still on some curious lists from my job searches back in South Florida, because I was just delivered this beautiful gem along with a voicemail message from someone with SEVERE background noise (sounded like a cross between a call center and a school cafeteria!) and a very heavy Indian accent. I could make out about three words of it. Sadly this will probably be the start of a gradually increasing stream of electronic harassment from them until they exhaust lines of communication I haven’t blocked yet. 😀

For now… enjoy this PERFECTLY written English copy. Worked on anything on the ground that is emitting radio frequency? Bahahahaha.

I’m not including the sender’s contact info because my experience has been that these are nothing but fake offers intended to get people to submit resumes that can be mined, sold, and traded between recruiters like some kind of horrible benefit-free commodity. There are VERY FEW actual tech jobs in South Florida and recruitment is pretty much exclusively handled through H-1B visa program openings, personal friendships and professional connections*. Usually, though, the recruiters throwing fake jobs around at least have someone fluent in English write them up. This is just lazy:



My name is Ankit and I am from Mindlance (Largest Staffing Firm in USA). I got your resume from a Job Board and it looks a perfect fit for one our client’s requirement based in Ft. Myers, FL. Please find the job description below and let me know your interest.


Role: Radio Communications Technician II

Location: Ft. Myers, FL


Business Overview:


Spot light call notes
Need to know how to propagate the antenna;
T1;T3 Microwave BG; Telephony
Networking exp is only needed to connected radios
Competitive company to look for candidate: Harris/ Nextel exp in the field
Good qualified Questions: Do you have a FCC/ GROL License
Biggest challenges: is knowledge/Exp of LMR – Land mobile radio; Know what is Radio Frequency
Exp with LMR Land mobile radio; worked on anything on the ground that is emitting radio frequency
Need to be here every day 8-5 will travel 60 miles in FT Myers
Ex Military; Key words
Communications, Signal, Two way


Performs complex radio communications technical work. Work involves installing, maintaining, programming, and repairing base station and control antenna systems and communications, microwave, control, audio, and associated equipment. Works under general supervision, with moderate latitude for the use of initiative and independent judgment.
Installs two-way radio mobile transceivers, electronic sirens, emergency lighting systems, mobile video systems, computer equipment, and associated electronic equipment.
Installs, maintains, and repairs two-way base communications, microwave, audio, control, antenna, transmission line, and associated electronic equipment.
Installs microwave and control consoles at base station and repeater sites.
Tests operational capabilities of mobile installations.
Provides ground assistance for base station, radio tower, microwave antenna, and transmission line installations.
Programs mobile, portable, and fixed radio equipment.
Maintains and repairs radio communications towers, guy-wires, lighting, and associated electronic control equipment.
Maintains, troubleshoots, repairs, and aligns communications, microwave, control, audio, speed measuring, test, and associated electronic equipment.
Maintains, repairs, and adjusts equipment in vehicles and stations to precision tolerances specified by the Federal Communications Commission.
Assists in procuring repair parts and equipment.
May construct special electronic and test equipment.
May train others.
Performs related work as assigned.

Experience and Education
Experience in radio installation, maintenance, and repair work. Graduation from a standard senior high school or equivalent, supplemented by courses in communications and electronics, is generally preferred. Experience and education may be substituted for one another.
Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities
Knowledge of electricity, electronics, and automotive electrical systems; of the installation and repair of mobile and fixed radio equipment; of base station antenna, microwave antenna, transmission lines, and associated equipment; of antenna orientation and radiating patterns; and of Federal Communications Commission rules and regulations.
Skill in the use of maintenance, testing, and repair tools and equipment.
Ability to install and maintain radio and associated electronic equipment; to detect and eliminate trouble in radio transmitters, receivers, and other electronic devices; to interpret schematic diagrams and technical reference materials; to communicate effectively; and to train others.
Registration, Certification, or License
May require a Federal Communications Commission General Radiotelephone Operator License (PG)




Ankit Singla |Team Recruitment|

* and you wonder why the brain drain sucks so hard

Modifying the lexicon

I hereby propose that a collection of hair elastics be known as a disappearance.

Disappearance (n). A collection of hair elastics, known for their collective habit of disappearing. “Hey! I just had a whole disappearance of hair elastics and now I can’t find any!”

this is why we cannot have nice things

If your store’s posted hours are until 9 pm, it is not advisable to close all registers at 8:30 then cut off the lights and lock the front doors which require a key to open from inside and have nobody standing at them to let customers out.

Have fun tracking down whoever has the key to turn off the alarmed emergency exit I set blaring on the way out.


Here, enjoy some TCFW.

A delicious idea

An idea:
Restaurants offering delivery should add the option to also deliver treats for your pets so you don’t wind up with a begging face glaring at you and your yum disc.


The only thing I ask of anyone who implements this idea is that they post pictures of happy cats, dogs, and any other creatures they bring happiness with it. Look at that cute lil pupper!

N.G.* Corral

One of our advertisers has a spot running for a gun shop in which they refer to guns used for defense against fellow humans as an “equalizer”. I have a concern about this society and would like to speak to a manager.

* common abbreviation for No Good

Optical nonsense

My eyes make no sense. My glasses broke a few weeks ago and I glued the bridge back together. They broke again last weekend and the plastic just won’t take being glued again- it turns to powder!

It occurs to me I shouldn’t have had the same pair for over 10 years, right?

So for now I’ve just been dealing with the weird behavior of my distance vision and realizing how little sense it makes.

Things get blurry from about six feet out… but what happens from there is pure fnord.

I can read larger text on the interstate highway signs just fine and some residential street signs. However, some just blur out and the chances of it being legible don’t really even correlate to the font face, size, or colors. Sometimes I’ll even get to watch a blurry one snap into sharp focus after a second.

This is really fun during an eye exam when the results of testing will contradict themselves seconds later.

Meanwhile, I can perfectly see a little 100 foot tower that’s like ten miles away and up a 6000 foot mountain.

What even are eyes? They make less sense then the thorium oxide doped glass in old Pentax lenses.

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