The Maddening Tale of Mr. Ramko.

Note: This is not about anyone named Mr. Ramko. It is about a real person though, whose identity I have replaced with the name of a manufacturer of really shitty audio gear.

This is a kind of long mess so I’ll use the “don’t make the main page ten miles long” tag as I did for The Scrolling Tray Of Horrors

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WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FCA ??!!

THIS BLOG POST MAY CONTAIN LARGE AMOUNTS OF AAAAAAAAAAA. You’ve been warned.

A day in the life at FCA – Fiat Chrysler America:

(BONG NOISES) “Hey, I’ve got a great idea, heh, what if we stack all this electrical junction box shit on top of the battery.”

“Oh, like the main high amperage starter and battery system fuses?”

“Nah man. Like, all of it.” (BONG NOISES)

“Duuude. Gimme a good hit of that and we’ll go design it right now. Hey, my Autocad is really colorful today.” (BONG NOISES)

Several months later, in a remote parking lot:
“Oh okay let me just see if this low battery just needs a jump and charge or replaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT EVEN IS ALL OF THAT OH NO NO NOOOOOOOPE NOPE NOPE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

After seeing all of this I’m actually almost willing to call the GM vehicles that buried the battery under the entire air intake box an ACCEPTABLE design.

wat

 

On the left (negative post) – the terminal is a soft alloy one. However, then, some kind of cupric-ish looking* mystery metal piece is permanently swaged into it. This is the baseplate to what’s probably a Hall effect battery current sensor. Congratulations, you successfully ripped off Honda’s battery charging system, and did it WRROOOOONNNGGGG. Bolted to that (why not put the bolted connector on the other side of the sensor so the terminal may be replaced??!!) is the post for the battery cable’s exceedingly strange quick disconnect.

well at least it makes a good half assed james bond title card

This terminal fits over the post DISTURBINGLY loosely. Once you press the release tab at the top, it pulls off effortlessly. I didn’t actually have to press the release tab before I lifted it off for the first time. HMMMMMMM….

 

The post has a groove in it that something inside the terminal locks into. Barely. It attaches with an unimpressive, almost imperceptible snap.

The positive post. This goes to a very large plate that I’m guessing is tinned cuprimysteryassalloywhatever*. It looks like in this case, the plate can be unbolted from the terminal, but the terminal is totally custom and has those two bolts swaged into it.

Note the shape of the terminal. This terminal has been tightened by the factory to the point that the gap is entirely closed; the terminal is now stretched out of shape permanently and it is unlikely to be able to be transferred to a new battery.

Same deal over here on the negative post, though that has maybe a millimeter of life left in it. Maybe. Note that this trashed terminal is permanently attached to that current sensor, so both have to be replaced along with the battery. WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THIS??!!

(BONG NOISES) “wooooow, that’s like, killer, now they have to buy like, a metric assload of proprietary parts to do a simple battery change.”

“duuuude, wait, it gets better, look at this amazing coolant hose system they’ll have to come back to us for! I based it off this tangled bunch of stems.”

…….i don’t want to look at this or any other FCA product ever again, BYE FELICIA!!!

 

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Recreational marijuana dispensaries will be legal under California state law come January 1. Recreational use has already been legalized at the state level. Check local laws for any restrictions, however – some municipalities have weird ones. Chico seems to want nothing to do with it (….and the potential tax revenue that would come from it but ok??!!)

HOWEVER.

Like any other substance that has the potential to slow down response of the central nervous system, use marijuana responsibly. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery while under the influence. The designated driver system should be used if you’ve gotta get somewhere by automobile to a social gathering where you plan to use marijuana. Do not drive…. or design…. automobiles while under the influence. That means you, FCA Corporation. Thank you very much and happy new year!

* I pulled these made up words riiiiiight out of my ass to say, it’s either copper, brass, or bronze, some copper containing something or other.

 

You bellends!!!

See these magical runes???

Their secret is not hard to figure out!!! Once you discover it, it will effortlessly summon a park ranger stationed about five minutes down the road to open the gate!!

Do not start forcing the gate or tampering with the locks! There’s literally no reason to do this and it will trap a poor innocent broadcast engineer up the road and cause him to yell CUNTYBOLLOCKS!!!!! in your general direction. You wankstain. I saw who it was too and they had the biggest Jefferson State seal I’ve ever seen on their truck. I’m unimpressed.

Dear FedEx…

Why did you take away literally every possible location to do express shipping over a weekend in northern California outside of Sacramento?!

Why?!

You douchehonking morons.

To be fair this is still an improvement over the way they operated in South Florida, where they did have weekend service but would constantly miss their pickup because the trucks got trafFUCKED and would wind up returning to the depot without making any pickups or deliveries.

Squuarrrarrppp!!!

There should be a sound effect for the construction of these awful little “whimsically awful mound of unpleasant rectangles” Gentrifi-Matic mixed use apartment buildings.

The sound effect should be that same one used in anime to suggest that someone is about to have a severe gastrointestinal event. It’s a loud, deep, rather horrifying sort of gurgle Squaararraaraarrrp!!!

This dumpshit is getting out of hand

Three different variants of Chinese fake ULN2803 chips available on Amazon and eBay. No genuine chips are available on either.

Bonus: “18 pin” DIP socket from Chinese mega-dumpshit-flooder uxcell, who deserve their very own angry shitpost. Hey at least they didn’t send me mis-molded automotive trim clips instead of LED mounting bezels OH WAIT THEY DID

I’ve used up all my actually genuine ULN2803s so I don’t have one for comparison, sorry. 🙁

Home Depot is hilarious.

Last night I bought a Ryobi cordless tool set at Home Depot that’s supposed to come with a drill, a small circular saw, a battery, a carrying case, a saw blade, and a charger. What was in the box was… a dusty carrying case with the drill missing the chuck, the circular saw with the blade missing, and no battery or charger.

I brought it back today and they had no problem with exchanging it, but then the girl who handled the exchange asked her manager what to do with the incomplete box.

“Tape it up and put it back on the shelf”.

I asked the manager immediately what they were going to do when it came back AGAIN, and for that matter, how many times she expected it to come back again? She sighed and explained it was just corporate policy – if the item LOOKS saleable, they have to keep putting it back out over and over and won’t get new ones in until the old ones stop coming back.

Gotcha. So next time I do everyone a favor and soak the box in used motor oil and glitter.

Where the common and mundane become unattainable.

A couple of years back I had to install a toilet. When you install a toilet, there’s a seal between the base of the throne and the “closet flange” on the top of the drain pipe, which can be an oddly shaped gap– the usual type of seal is a paraffin wax gasket that’s crushed into place under the toilet as you place it. All of the stores in Miami had USED wax rings in their boxes waiting for you. Of course, a crushed wax ring is useless, not to mention THAT HAS BEEN UNDER A TOILET THANK YOU NO. My only guess as to how they were getting these was that customers were buying new wax rings when removing and reinstalling toilets during renovation/flooring work and just returning the old ring in the new box… but you couldn’t find a new one! I wound up having to buy a wax ring from an Ace Hardware store an hour’s drive away.

It also reminded me of how a former customer of ours back when I worked at the Solar Shitshow in Miami  (please, stop having your customers call me, I haven’t worked there in years and have no interest in doing so again!) would come to Miami from Haiti every couple of months. When he did, he’d rent a car at the airport, usually preferring a Ford Mustang. In his luggage he’d have a few defective engine management sensors and other parts for a Mustang there, and would swap them for the working ones in the rental car, returning the poor thing barely working in limp mode….. I’m not sure whether that’s more clever or pure evil.

PTEK combiner. Shibe version.

I have no words. This thing is so wack i didn’t even recognize I was looking at a classic Wilkinson combiner implemented using cast off garbage. I’ll let the shibes speak.

The exciter power divider. This seems to depend on the external jumpers

Shitposting Electromagnetically

This miniscule coax from Pasternack carries 500 watts over its… 26-28 awg center conductor??!!

Also yes I know, time to repaint

Breaking News!

Dow Jones Industrial Average Reaches 23,000! Some hedge fund manager goes squirt squirt and cleans up after themselves with a Balenciaga snot rag that cost more than your net worth.

In other news, the economy is still total shit unless you’re already rich.

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