Hell hath no fury like a malfunctioning Airave

There’s apparently a Sprint Airave in our building and it’s forgotten how to data. Cute.

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The lights are on, but nobody's home.

Interestingly, the femtocell detection in aimsicd doesn’t catch it.

Prior to the device totally flipping out, it caused false roaming warnings up the yin-yang.

Oh Sprint… Why did this ever seem like a good idea to you?

The best photo ever of the Lake Okeechobee toilet flush

Olestra lives!!!
Olestra lives!!!

Image by Leah Voss, Treasure Coast Newspapers…
How to market a damaged destination.

Yeah, uh, looks like what you see in the bowl that tells you that you ain’t going much of anywhere for the rest of the day other than to grab a dose or two of Immodium.

I was up in Stuart this weekend and drove a bit north, then looked at the riverfront on the Indian River… it started raining heavily before I could get any pictures, but the water was dark brown and REEKED. I’ve seen sewage lift station pits that smelled better than this. (Actually… for the most part, unless there’s been no flow for a long period of time, they smell like the scented detergents and soaps that go down them; the brown trout are submerged and aren’t really able to stink things up.)

Now I have something to liken SFWMD to: a lift station in a giant river of shit.
shittyliftstation
Fairly nasty pit. If those chunks of brownish soap/oil residue break off or build up on the float switches, they can cause drama. Source: Fletcher Property Management.

YAFULC Again

YAFULC = Yet Another Fucking Urban Lifestyle Center.

Oh, yaaawn… A while back I’d seen plans for the development to go where the old Dania Beach Hurricane roller coaster and Boomer’s park (used to be Grand Prix Race-O-Rama) were. At the time the plan appeared to basically be to build YAFULC-In-A-Box with the parking outside the project.

Now that demolition began on the old wooden coaster, I just looked at the more recent plans. The project is now known as Dania Pointe (the extra E is for “Bullshite“!). It’s YAFULC.

Super Milk Chan was crazy enough but you haven't seen crazy till you've seen Oh! Super Milk Chan... THAT series is genuinely psychohazardous.
Super Milk Chan was crazy enough but you haven’t seen crazy till you’ve seen Oh! Super Milk Chan… THAT series is genuinely psychohazardous.

Access to the site is *AMAZINGLY* limited and yet the plans call for 750 residential units — this means that either one (or a combination thereof) are true:
A) there are no plans to actually build the residential units;
B) the residential units are designed to never actually be occupied and are just to be used as token flippable properties to be sold to overseas investors.

quailfail
Dania Pointe site. Only access is via Stirling Road (six lanes, permanently jammed in this area due to SPUI at I-95), and Bryan Road (TWO LANE, dumps into residential areas). Derp dee derp.

If the residential units ARE actually built, all access to the site will be permanently cockplugged, so forget that.

Here’s the pretty picture showing the glorified parking lot from Kimco. Yawn.

Well there you have it…… South Florida, where we truly pave paradise and put up a parking lot.

Wanna bet Stirling Road will very suddenly grow a set of express toll underpasses?

(original link is dead – use link below)

02-4-PM Session 3 Presentation Updated

derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp
derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp

¡Miami esta la pinga!

There I know enough Spanish to swear in it

Coming home from work, I’m sitting at a long red light wondering how to drink the last bit of coconut water from an irresponsibly tall carton of it because the thing his the ceiling before it tilts enough. I’m sitting there stopped for about ten seconds when… Bang.

The car stalls instantly. No airbags fired but the fucking coconut water is now airborne before landing on my nice red leather trenchcoat. Fuck a duck.

I get out kinda in disbelief, stunned and shaken but unhurt. The first thing I see is the car behind me with the front end totally munched!

The driver gets out and she’s really apologetic and rubbing her forehead. I look at the back of my car and, well…

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What even are these things made of

Look at all that damage! Uh, look hard…. It’s just not there.

We exchange information and the driver goes on and on about how she’d rather pay out of pocket for my repairs because she is on SR-22 insurance. The classic strategy for trying to escape liability in the ghetto….

But there’s no damage to my car and I’m not even mad.

Then she points out she wasn’t wearing her seat belt and her head hit the glass.

No.

I’m mad now damn it.

F=ma, bitch.

I’m an engineer. Trust me. Buckle up.

She’s going on about how her car is brand new (to her) and she just wrecked it…. I didn’t know what sr-22 meant at the time but it apparently means she’s crashed at fault three times in a year??

Now, why did her car pretty much take it up the nose from my rear bumper? It wasn’t the car’s first crash either. Looking in the grille, the metal part of the bumper was crushed back into the AC condenser…. and rusted like that. Someone had just slapped new plastic parts and paint on the car, leaving it with no actual bumper, so it neatly crushed the hood on impact.

Well. Maybe now you’ll stop texting and driving and for fuck’s sake buckle up. You wouldn’t mail fragile items without padding…. Don’t stick yourself in a big metal box unprotected.

My car wouldn’t crank for a couple minutes after the crash but then just reset?! Not sure what to make of that, but I guess it needed time to convince itself it was safe to restart.

Oh Miami, you fabulous jizz whistle.

Public service announcement…

E-mail attachments are not your friend, wankstain!!!

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Press to detonate pissbomb

Image from virusresearch.org

See this shit? See that banner at the top where Word is inviting you to enable macros but warning of viruses?

Surprise! Shit’s A VIRUS and it will get to work immediately encrypting every file it can get access to, local and network – it’s the Locky ransomware.

The email attack vector is not unique to Locky; it goes all the way back to the 1990s with various random worms and was also a common distribution vector for Cryptolocker. It’s also commonly used in “spear phishing” attacks wherein a particular person or group within an organization is manually targeted using social engineering to trick them into executing malware.

We’ve been hit over and over with it at work. Good backups save our data each time, but dear Eris this is a colossal pain in the ass.

That being said, I’m glad my department runs cables, tames evil robot cameras that are trying to gain sentience, fixes air conditioning towers*, yells about stupid $12,000 derp boards, and makes coffee for the directorial staff.

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A full cage of DERP BOARDS. Names withheld to protect the innocent (the vendor is trying their hardest to make it right...)

* actually this should be facility maintenance, but I was the first one to diagnose and fix the problem. If anyone had their doubts about the weird looking new guy in engineering, they’re crumbling quickly…

Kendall votes to push the big red button

So that’s it, Kendall has declared itself broken and wants no new development until its traffic problems are fixed… via mass transit improvements.

Sorry guys, you’re trafFUCKED. Forever. Why? You moved into bullshit like this. Here’s an example of the road structure common in KendHELL:

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Developments were intentionally fragmented and designed to make access via anything but motor vehicle impractical to impart an aesthetic sense of distance from the major roadways and create an artificial sense of isolation and security. Many developments are walled in completely and gated.

Yeah… Good luck with that mass transit… It’s nearly impossible. Enjoy your four hour traffic jams.

Might as well just flood it again and return it to the Everglades 😉

Billboard FAIL.

Billboards along I-95… They’ve just kind of always been a thing. Well, now this one isn’t, and I bet it made a bit of noise when it lost the battle.

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Snap! Wham!
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It's every bit as ratchet as it looks.
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Electrical panel shelter

To say this would have killed anyone in its path would be an understatement. Luckily it just went splat into a field. Seeing how awful the company (likely none other than Clear Channel!) let it get… I’m not walking near one on a windy day ever again.

Nonsense bonus: stainless spot weld failure.
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Google, you’re trippin’

I suddenly started getting warnings from Google about an increase in 404 errors crawling this site. The last time this happened it was due to memory exhaustion and the Linux kernel impolitely terminating mysqld to rescue the system’s stability.

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This time, I’m at a loss to explain it. Google somehow indexed a ton of pages from gallery.kg4cyx.net as being on kg4cyx.net or in kg4cyx.net/gallery. In short, it saw right through my vhosts and it just doesn’t work that way.

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The heck happened?!

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