Fone Kompany Phunnies?

We’ve been having massive problems with telecom outages today and may have an insight into the cause….

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Sploosh!! It was literally zip tied and attached with “mule tape” to the big blue sewer line.

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Remains of fiberoptic cables.

Uhhhhhhhhh

Welcome to South Florida. Beeeeeyotch! ¡De Pinga!

Pssst, hey guys, back to business

I always loved that Eye On Miami never seemed to forget that we have a little traffic problem down here and that our leaders needed to be reminded about it and reminded to please act in the public interest….

But then this horrible orange thing happened and they got distracted by that and we don’t have our trains yet…

Aaaaand tonight, this happened.

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This is the fastest route home that Waze could give me.

The beginning is in North Bay Village. The end is in Hallandale. They are about 15 miles apart.

Unfortunately there were simply no usable routes remaining and the first thing it found was US 41, State Road 29, and Alligator Alley.

Hey, at least I got to see two panthers at one point while going through Big Cypress….

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at least I'm not merely pissing into the wind here

American Dream… I’m so done

I’m so very very DONE and so are your chances of ever getting anywhere on the roads in northwest Miami-Dade in 2020. I had heard nothing but radio silence on this project for over a year, and this is probably why– they were trying hard to apply decorative wallpaper to an elephant in the room to conceal it.

“It is unlikely that all needed interchange improvements will be approved and constructed by 2020, the build out year for ADM,” Lisa Colmenares, a state transportation planner for South Florida, wrote in a Nov. 23 letter to Miami-Dade. “If any of the interchange improvements fail to be approved … by 2020, the base transportation network that is the foundation of [the county’s] traffic analysis will be invalid.”

They don’t even know—–

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Here’s its likeness in cable nightmare form.

Floridawave or something

Please take a moment to admire and ponder this.

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I mean– really, seriously admire and ponder this. There are so many messages here. So many statements it has for you.

You’re welcome.

¡Come Pinga!

Best driver of the year award goes to….. Girl who spent more on her weave and her phone than she did on her car, who slowly drifted out of her lane while poring over something on her phone.

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Fuck this city, I had to go hurry up to go wait in traffic and didn't get time to paint my nails as usual

I didn’t notice this until I felt a very wrong sensation and heard an odd sound and my car started wanting to push left. I looked over and the first thing I saw was my rear view mirror stuck right through her open window next to her face.

I realized I didn’t want to spook her because she’d do something and make it worse… So I gently moved left, getting my mirror out of her oblivious face and gave her some room…. then let loose with the horn.

The phone popped back down and she swerved all the hell over the place before slamming the gas and leaving a cloud of blue gray smoke. Then the phone popped right back up again and she rear ended a dump truck ten seconds later. Of course since she’s already on SR-22 she just ran. So did the dump truck.

But that’s none of my business.

Yeah that’s how you jinx it

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I’m sitting there after a detour through da hood to avoid I-95, 441, and US1 being at a complete standstill thinking, yeah, this isn’t so bad—-

Is that

Is that a wobbling zombie with needle tracks holding a compound bow and aiming arrows at oncoming traffic?! Fuck shit no.

Apologies to whoever’s lawn I tore up taking evasive measures.

A daily affirmation

Ryko SludgeGloss XS
Ryko SludgeGloss XS
No matter how awkward things look, it’s worth reminding yourself:
“At least I’m not washing rotten goat flesh off my car”

Actually, yesterday, I was. The PDQ LaserWash G5 S-series machine does a good job.

Miami.

The language is universal.

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Every day I hear people saying this is the worst traffic they’ve ever seen.

It is literally getting worse every day. This week there are major construction projects being run through rush hour. Where else does anyone ever do that?! Fucking hell.

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