A daily affirmation

Ryko SludgeGloss XS
Ryko SludgeGloss XS
No matter how awkward things look, it’s worth reminding yourself:
“At least I’m not washing rotten goat flesh off my car”

Actually, yesterday, I was. The PDQ LaserWash G5 S-series machine does a good job.

Miami.

The language is universal.

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Every day I hear people saying this is the worst traffic they’ve ever seen.

It is literally getting worse every day. This week there are major construction projects being run through rush hour. Where else does anyone ever do that?! Fucking hell.

But can it use the Lexus lanes?

One of these is not like the others. Waaaait for it……

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Oh wait, nobody is using those.

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This kind of crash has become a *multiple* daily occurrence now. Who put pure essence of batshit in the water?

deadmaül sunset

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one of those dead malls
blank walls and a smell of cleaner unbroken by nonexistent human inhabitation
‘discount stores’

stores

who still fills the fountain? automata?

actually all the same store

same chinashit
different husk
  same smell of plastic and stale urine

booth in the corridor that provides free echoes

canvas covered mystery lump

booth that advertises they make keys and pierce ears
  apparatus for one is stored on top of the apparatus for the other

hollow buzz of shorted neon

imagining where the arcade must have been

the food court

the orange Julius

Chess King?

the exit door screeches open into–

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the night

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Image composites/manipulation done in Autodesk’s Pixlr app.

You know… Autodesk… The company that brought us all CAD software for turning engineering dreams into reality? Oh they make realities all right.

¡Miami esta la pinga!

There I know enough Spanish to swear in it

Coming home from work, I’m sitting at a long red light wondering how to drink the last bit of coconut water from an irresponsibly tall carton of it because the thing his the ceiling before it tilts enough. I’m sitting there stopped for about ten seconds when… Bang.

The car stalls instantly. No airbags fired but the fucking coconut water is now airborne before landing on my nice red leather trenchcoat. Fuck a duck.

I get out kinda in disbelief, stunned and shaken but unhurt. The first thing I see is the car behind me with the front end totally munched!

The driver gets out and she’s really apologetic and rubbing her forehead. I look at the back of my car and, well…

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What even are these things made of

Look at all that damage! Uh, look hard…. It’s just not there.

We exchange information and the driver goes on and on about how she’d rather pay out of pocket for my repairs because she is on SR-22 insurance. The classic strategy for trying to escape liability in the ghetto….

But there’s no damage to my car and I’m not even mad.

Then she points out she wasn’t wearing her seat belt and her head hit the glass.

No.

I’m mad now damn it.

F=ma, bitch.

I’m an engineer. Trust me. Buckle up.

She’s going on about how her car is brand new (to her) and she just wrecked it…. I didn’t know what sr-22 meant at the time but it apparently means she’s crashed at fault three times in a year??

Now, why did her car pretty much take it up the nose from my rear bumper? It wasn’t the car’s first crash either. Looking in the grille, the metal part of the bumper was crushed back into the AC condenser…. and rusted like that. Someone had just slapped new plastic parts and paint on the car, leaving it with no actual bumper, so it neatly crushed the hood on impact.

Well. Maybe now you’ll stop texting and driving and for fuck’s sake buckle up. You wouldn’t mail fragile items without padding…. Don’t stick yourself in a big metal box unprotected.

My car wouldn’t crank for a couple minutes after the crash but then just reset?! Not sure what to make of that, but I guess it needed time to convince itself it was safe to restart.

Oh Miami, you fabulous jizz whistle.

The strange tale of the broken Easy Card.

Oh hi. What nonsense is this?

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This is what my easy card looks like on a Tri-Rail ticket machine right now. On a Miami-Dade Transit machine, it looks the same but also shows “day pass… Pending” in the bottom pass list.

No matter what kind of pass I load to this card, it will fail to be activated on first use, and will lead to a negative cash balance for the amount of the regular fare for whatever I rode. The display on the bus fare box or rail station gate reads “Transfer 12:00 AM” when this happens.

The card also won’t let me add to its nonsense negative cash value, so it’s now useless.

I’ve spent $17.05 today so far on the day pass that got stuck in limbo, individual fares on each bus (the card won’t work for bus transfers in this state!), Metrorail parking, and a new Easy Card with one Metrorail fare on it that will replace this broken piece of 💩 that keeps eating my passes.

What is going on here?! I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone else’s Easy Card, so I’m guessing I have a unique and beautiful corrupted snowflake here. The customer service staff don’t understand it either.

I wonder what to do with this card. Send it to MDT so maybe they can work with Cubic Corporation to identify the fault and roll out a software fix*? Microwave it? Will It Blend?

What even is this card?! That’s like asking, “what are birds?” … We don’t even know.

And maybe $17.05 was still worth not having to drive through the boat show traffic.

* this is about as likely to happen as one of the buses running on schedule, or the Prog Stom Assy still working properly on a train. Also, MDT will likely not respond to this post, as their response to me asking for information or reporting issues via social media was to block me, so far on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. MDT blocks: Gotta Catch Em All.
Ⓜ🚂🚃🔩💩🌀🚃🚧⚠💫

Bonus silliness:
This is what the Train Tracker has to say. No clue.

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But at least it’s bullet resistant. TAX DOLLARS GO WHERE ??

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Hey guys I heard you like lens flare

I really need to take pictures on a real camera.

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I got to watch the sun pop up over the horizon. Couldn’t photograph this worth a damn, but it was pretty cool. I kinda wasn’t expecting it to be so abrupt – it’s like someone turned on a switch and a blurry glow at the horizon jumped into focus instantly.

Now I can cross that off my list of natural wonders I’ve never actually seen before. Next up is snow. 😀

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