¡Come Pinga!

Best driver of the year award goes to….. Girl who spent more on her weave and her phone than she did on her car, who slowly drifted out of her lane while poring over something on her phone.

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Fuck this city, I had to go hurry up to go wait in traffic and didn't get time to paint my nails as usual

I didn’t notice this until I felt a very wrong sensation and heard an odd sound and my car started wanting to push left. I looked over and the first thing I saw was my rear view mirror stuck right through her open window next to her face.

I realized I didn’t want to spook her because she’d do something and make it worse… So I gently moved left, getting my mirror out of her oblivious face and gave her some room…. then let loose with the horn.

The phone popped back down and she swerved all the hell over the place before slamming the gas and leaving a cloud of blue gray smoke. Then the phone popped right back up again and she rear ended a dump truck ten seconds later. Of course since she’s already on SR-22 she just ran. So did the dump truck.

But that’s none of my business.

Yeah that’s how you jinx it

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I’m sitting there after a detour through da hood to avoid I-95, 441, and US1 being at a complete standstill thinking, yeah, this isn’t so bad—-

Is that

Is that a wobbling zombie with needle tracks holding a compound bow and aiming arrows at oncoming traffic?! Fuck shit no.

Apologies to whoever’s lawn I tore up taking evasive measures.

I’m all for musical creativity but….

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There’s some kind of bizarre avant-garde Caribbean jazz playing in this restroom, and if all my senses other than hearing were malfunctioning, I’d be inclined to believe that I’m actually shitting rack screws into an upended steel drum while someone throws many timbales down a flight of stairs.

The language is universal.

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Every day I hear people saying this is the worst traffic they’ve ever seen.

It is literally getting worse every day. This week there are major construction projects being run through rush hour. Where else does anyone ever do that?! Fucking hell.

Dear shitty little old Florida beach towns

Yes I realize you’re in dire waters because you’ve long since driven off all your tourism, businesses, civic events, the arts, entertainment, and any trace of fun, however
Please stop cockplugging US1 with road closures and 10+ minute photo enforced red lights.
All you have left as a city is that your roads are a viable alternative to being trafFUCKED on I-95, don’t kill that too.

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Fuckety bye

Well that explained itself in short order.

I was thinking, hey, I’d never seen one of these before…

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It’s a shopping cart to allow the companion to a person with special needs to secure them in the cart while they go shopping.

But who would need this?

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This guy. This guy needs to be tightly strapped into that cart and left there so he can do no further harm by operating motor vehicles tonight.

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It does not work that way. None of this works that way. Nope.