My workplace has a dedicated parking lot, in an area where parking is rather scarce. Ask nicely and it’s different, but throw your cars at us and run and you’ll soon be facing locked gates and some annoyed broadcast engineer posting pictures of your cars online to ridicule you for being a douchecanoe. How many more “reserved parking only” signs do we need?!
Hey guys and gals! Do you like the Marmaduke comics in the Sunday paper? Well… they’re kind of bland and uninteresting nowadays. Vintage Marmaduke, however, was a completely different beast.
A terrifying beast, feared, respected, who ruled over humans with an iron paw. His scale could change at whim too, everywhere from “normal dog” to “BIGGER THAN A DAMN HOUSE”.
You did not cross old-school Marmaduke and live to tell about it.
The images below were looted from a 4chan /co/ thread, using 4Chan Downloader. Incidentally, /co/ is the BEST board ever. Aaaaand now… behold the horror!! Some of these images have been creatively edited, including one in which someone vandalized the original book while it was circulating at the library where it was found. The original filenames from the OP* on /co/ have been preserved and will be visible when you click an image in the gallery.
A couple of months ago, I had a silly adventure. I was at the Homestead tower, just a couple blocks down the street from a Miami-Dade Fire Rescue station that was, at that time, on “brownout” due to Miami-Dade County budget issues. If you want to learn more about how Miami-Dade’s budget and politics work, I recommend you go check out Eye On Miami — I distance myself from politics to make life more pleasant.
The first thing I’m greeted by is a blaring fire alarm in the hallway of the transmitter building and a really foul electrical fire smell, but no particularly visible smoke. I figured either it wasn’t a particularly big one or it had already gone out and the smoke had been evacuated by an exhaust fan. Either way, I proceeded carefully inside and found the alarm belonged to one room on the first floor with the transmitters for Minnesota Public Radio’s classical station. I called their central control as indicated on the door while using an Xcelite “greenie” as a Sonic Screwdriver to gain access.
Inside I found everything coated in some kind of white sticky filth. The air filter on the Harris HT 25 FM transmitter’s power supply was totally caked in it and I’d first assumed this may have been the source, as the power supply was subsequently running too hot to touch. Keep in mind this is a power supply unit the size of a Volkswagen Type 1 “bug”.
At this point he had an engineer on the way to look at it but our conversation turned to what on earth had Let The Smoke Out. See, there’s a theory with electronics, they all work because they have this Magic Smoke sealed inside at the factory.
Once you let the smoke out, the device never functions again, and it is impossible to force it back in there. Now I wish I’d scraped some of that white gookus off, maybe someday science can figure out how to coalesce it back into injectable Magic Smoke essence. Aaaanyway…..
The person at MPR indicated that he’d had contractor after contractor working on the site, whose maintenance is principally contracted out to Clear Channel Miami. His only indication that there might have been any trouble was that he tried to run a backup transmitter at the site and “it just wasn’t coming up right”. I proceeded to clean their filters while I waited for someone to arrive.
Shortly afterwards I found some very melty things in the vicinity of the dummy load. The site has two transmitters, one antenna, and one dummy load. A coax switch in a DPDT (double pole / double throw) configuration routes the output of both transmitters so that if one is set to antenna, the other is set to dummy load. This way one of them can be run for testing/maintenance while the other is on air, seamlessly. Smokelessly, even, if everything works right…. which it didn’t really.
The object seen here is the top of the dummy load. Down inside the gray box, there is a star shaped holder clamped to the tops of six noninductive “Globar” type resistors that go down a chimney with a blower at the bottom. RF is applied to the top and grounded at the bottom, and they’re paralleled to form a load that presents 50 ohms impedance at up to 25,000 watts…. IF THE AIR IS FLOWING. Unfortunately, there was a little oopsie. Note the heat darkening to the metal grille, the white gook splattered on the two pieces of spare feedline to the left…
…And this Krispy Kable…
The air coming out of the load by convection was probably over 500 degrees F. It seems like the resistors got just hot enough to smoke off the coating on the outside but not actually burn out or crack – the load actually tested 50 ohms at DC after the incident.
In the above picture you can see a Bird wattmeter line section. The “slug” which contains the coupling circuitry to pass a reading down the cable as a DC current is not in it. Here is what happened to the slugs from the heat. I call these flame broiled Birds.
The plastic top on one actually became convex and pushed the label off; on the other, the plastic bottom that protects the sampling element warped and tried to fall down the line section when I removed the slug. It’s actually fascinating to see how these work inside, they’re sort of a non-contact coupling with an L/C circuit and a diode. One of these days I’ll have to learn the magical theory as to how these directional couplers work. (Yes, they’re directional – they measure the power flowing in the direction the arrow is pointed, and you can turn them around to switch between measuring forward and reflected power!)
The backup transmitter was a Rockwell-Collins that looked distinctly older than I am. The other guy who showed up on site (whose name I have sadly forgotten) went to turn it on. He pressed filament on… and the dummy load’s blower began running with no problem. Mystery upon mystery, what happened? At this point we waited for a “ready” indication telling us it was time to turn on the high plate voltage to make it start.
The old beast had none.
I was actually wondering if it’d light the Plate Off button or something as a ready indication, but it didn’t do that either. I started messing with the multimeter function on the front panel and observed that the meter didn’t work right, and the exciter’s power seemed to have flicked on and off a time or two.
With us both standing in front of the transmitter, he reached for the PLATE ON button.
Old tube broadcast transmitters like this usually run 4000-9000 volts DC on the plate at several amps. When voltage like that finds an unwarranted path, the whole unit tends to respond with an unwelcome BANG. Knowing this, I just about dashed from the room before he could touch the button.
It made two wimpy clacks, but nothing happened. The plate voltage kind of wobbled around but the wattage never went anywhere. The multimeter (when I could get it to work) indicated that the bias voltages were there, but it looked like one supply voltage was missing in action.
He asked me if I had any ideas. I looked at his feet and saw that he was wearing sandals. I was wearing steel toe boots. I said, “Hold on, I’ve got this” and kicked the unit in the front panel. The sound from the transmitter gained a bassier thrumming note, and a glance at the meters showed 25,000 watts output.
To repair something like this, you must truly understand it.
Last I heard they were going to go back in there and reverse-engineer the mess that was made of the control wiring to allow this transmitter to run without the load blower running and its airflow vane switch moving. Alas, the only way I will ever know for sure is the smoke test: Did the building fill with smoke again?
I’m also hoping that Harris HT 25 FM gets a very good internal cleaning at some point. They are known for making some spectacular bangs when they get unhappy.
So I was at a Publix somewhere out in suburbia and confusing things happened. There was what appeared to maybe be a high school football or basketball team shopping there, like 20 kids, and they were very much defying conventional logic on how anyone is supposed to shop for groceries… or… well, anything.
When I arrived at the store, there was one older lady sitting at the front who had a Kenwood commercial type handheld radio and was talking to the people from the team(?). Okay then…
I go into the store and start looking for stuff and her kids are just shopping in the most baffling manner. It seemed like each of them had a list that was a printout of an Excel spreadsheet, each line was numbered and they were calling out numbers to each other as they got the items on the list…
The odd thing was, though, they were broken up into four(?) groups who would just descend on a section in a Blitzkreig-esque manner, shove other shoppers and their carts out of the way, unload a whole section into an empty cart, then run to one of the main aisles where they’d pick over that cart then return it and its contents to shelves…. in near totally random order.
Probably half the store’s staff was cleaning up after them including the manager.
On a whim I decided to look for their choice of frequency and found it – GMRS, 462.600 mhz, no PL tone. I waited for a lull in their traffic and hopped on, well, to be a jerk.
“This is WQRZ855*, do you guys have a license to use this frequency?”
There’s this wonderful sound as about five people key up on top of each other like “what?”.
“This is an FCC authorized station, WQRZ855, is your group licensed to use this service?”
The radio goes silent and the group starts kinda yelling at each other then rushes to go check out as if they’ve just been caught doing something far worse than making a mess of a Publix…
They pretty much aborted their shopping at this point and all rushed to the front to go check out… consuming all eight of the open checkout lines, and leaving merchandise scattered everywhere.
The manager, meanwhile, was right next to me when I had this exchange with them over the radio and she just about doubled over laughing while telling me that this group shows up every week and makes a colossal mess of her store and this is the first time they actually listened to anyone.
Why hasn’t she used her managerial banhammer yet?
* Seriously, I’m like one of three people I know of actually having a GMRS license. Why do I have one? Because I’m a nerd, that’s why. Apparently it comes in handy to yell at people.
It’s not hard to get, basically all you have to do is sign up for ULS then log in and buy it. Or… just wait a couple of years, the licensing requirement will probably be dropped because nobody bothers to get licenses. However, you might not want to do that, as there’s a good chance the service will get nerfed and repeaters will be disallowed when that happens, unless you’re a grandfathered in licensed user… who the heck knows.