Welcome to Derpville Laundromat

Hello! Thanks for using our facilities. Below is a list of guidelines that are not written rules, but everyone seems to follow them, so maybe you should too.

  • ALWAYS block in other customers in the parking lot upon arriving.
  • Please come in with all of your screeching, running, demonic little hell spawn crotch droppings in tow, and leave them unsupervised at all times.
  • Immediately dash towards the largest washing machines we have available with your load of laundry, push any other customers out of your way, toss it in, then stand around blocking the aisle for a few minutes before promptly leaving for half an hour without starting the washer.
  • When you do finally return, hopefully after letting your children pull open dryer doors everywhere to interrupt everyone’s loads drying and jabbing at the temperature buttons on every washer and dryer to cause damage to delicate clothes or leave them uselessly tumbling sopping wet, please place either no detergent at all or half a box worth in the machine.
  • Once your laundry is washed, please leave it sitting in the machine a few hours then come back.
  • Always be sure to leave about a dozen roofing nails in the pockets on your clothes to ensure that they fall out and turn the steel basket on our washers and dryers into a godawful cheese grater from hell.
  • Feel free to wash a blue tarp covered in dried blood of mysterious origin.
  • Always blast terrible SoundCloud rap from your five gallon Bluetooth speaker.
  • Please ensure you allow WordPress to break your so elegantly witty shitpost with the <ul> tag screwing up the editor.

This is based on observations from using laundromats in a few different places, but mostly Hallandale. Good old Hallandale. Wasting away in good old Hallandale….

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